The G'z den

Soul Searching

2012-02-14T10:20:00.001Z

After exploring the deepest and farthest expansion of my soul
After relentless retrospection and introspection
After countless hours of counting sheep
I have distilled all my internal conflicts
Am I a manly Muppet or
a Muppet of a man?

* Thanks to the song I heard in BBC Radio 2 today for helping me distill.

"What Is The Golf Swing," by Roy McAvoy

2012-01-01T15:08:00.004Z

I never used to like golf. I shared Molly’s (Roy McAvoy's love intrest in the movie Tin Cup) view about golf.

You know, this is without a doubt the stupidest, silliest...most idiotic, grotesquely masquerading game ever invented.

But then, due to some persistent encouragement from my cousin Prabhu and my colleagues at SITA, I am now hooked on~to golf. I watched Tin Cup recently, where Roy McAvoy explains the golf swing.

Here it goes…

Well, I tend to think of the golf swing as a poem.

The critical opening phrase of this poem will always be the grip. The hands unite to form a single unit by the simple overlap of the little finger.

Lowly and slowly, the clubhead is led back, pulled into position not by the hands, but by the body, which turns away from the target, shifting weight to the right side without shifting balance.

Tempo is everything; perfection unobtainable as the body coils down at the top of the swing. There's a slight hesitation. A little nod to the gods...

Yeah, to the gods. That he is fallible. That perfection is unobtainable. And now the weight begins shifting back to the left pulled by the powers inside the earth, it's alive, this swing!

A living sculpture and down through contact, always down, striking the ball crisply, with character.

A tuning fork goes off in your loins.

Such a pure feeling is the well-struck golf shot.

Now, don’t rush into thinking that I have mastered the game, and have a very low handicap; on the contrary I have mastered the art of playing most frustrating rounds of golf. Without exception, every round of 18 holes I have played, I have scored centuries (on a par 62 course).

You might ask, why do you subject yourself to this sort of frustration, but then Roy McAvoy answers that question too.

Yes ma'am and that's why I love it. Now if you hit one good shot, just one, and that tuning fork rings in your loins and you can't wait to get back...and do it again.

Corruption - I cannot bring myself to stone her

2011-04-07T12:10:00.003+01:00

I had a thought provoking conversation with my colleague today regarding Anna Hazare and his movement against a weak anti corruption bill.

We both shared a clutching feeling, a tightness in the throat and a feeling of "We must do something" that is ever so familiar to us middle class people.

As we continued our discussion, my colleague came up with some questions that I felt were very pertinent and soul searching.

Summary of our discussion:

We do decide to jump in, and join the agitation and contribute in whatever way that we can, be it fasting till Annaji does and being part of local chapters and help in organising etc, etc. That involves a certain level of commitment in terms of resources and potentially life altering commitments. In that case, do we understand what are we fighting against? Who are we fighting for? Is it worth it?

The What:

We fighting against the system that lets several obviously tainted politicians occupy position of power and enables them to further abuse that power without any sort of accountability associated with their actions.

The Who:

1. People happy to pay couple of thousand bribes to a customs officer to avoid tens of thousands of import duties.

2. People who are willing to pay couple of thousands of rupees to avoid the hassle of filling up a couple of pages of forms, and learning driving, and prove your skills in a driving test etc instead get the drivers license delivered to their homes?

3. People who want to associate themselves with feudal local politicians that gives them flexibility to park in a no-parking zone and argue with the enforcement guys "Do you know who I am?"

4 . People who are willing to pay in Cash and without receipt so that they can avoid sales tax?

5. People who are willing to pay several lakhs in bribes to get good postings, knowing very well that they can earn several times more when they get those "good postings".

6. People who accept free this, free that in exchange for their votes?

The list goes on.......

So is our joining the fight worth it?

Can a Top down approach to control and eliminate corruption work? Or should it be more bottom up?

I think it was Jesus who said, "Those who are without sin, cast the stone on her".

I regretfully admit, I cannot bring myself to stone her.

What I can at the very least do, is promise to myself that I will not resort to bribing, no matter what the consequences may be, and instil this value in my children, and hope and pray that we find more people who have the moral right to cast the stones, and provide them all the support we can.

Jai Hind!

Do!

2010-08-02T17:27:00.001+01:00

To do?

want to do?

or like to do?

need to do?

or have to do?

should I do?

oh sod it mate! just do it!!

would love to do,

should have done,

or should not have done,

need not have done,

or might have done,

get it done,

oh sod it mate! just do it!!

நான் வருவேன்

2010-06-25T18:00:00.001+01:00

நான் வருவேன்

சுவற்றிலிட்ட பந்தாய்

நான் வளர்வேன்

பாறைக்குள் வேராய்!

கார்மேகம் சூழ்ந்தாலும்

காரிருள் சூழ்ந்தாலும்

பெருங்கடல் கொள்ளவந்தலும்

என்னுயிர் கொண்ட வெப்பத்தால்

என்மதியின் நுட்பத்தால்

என்னிறைவன் இணக்கத்தால்

புயல் மழையாய்

பேரொளியாய்

மிதக்கும் கத்திக்கப்பலாய்

நான் வருவேன் !

நான் வருவேன் !!

சுவற்றிலிட்ட பந்தாய்

நான் வளர்வேன்

பாறைக்குள் வேராய்!

தினம் தினம் தேய

நானொன்றும் நிலவில்லை

என் இடம் தட்டிப்பறிக்க

ஒருவன் இங்கில்லை

மேடு என்பது

பள்ளத்தின் மறுபக்கம்

தோல்வி என்பது

வெற்றியின் மறுபக்கம்

எதையும் முழுதாய் பார்த்திட

வேண்டும் மன திடம்

நான் வருவேன் !

நான் வருவேன் !!

சுவற்றிலிட்ட பந்தாய்

நான் வளர்வேன்

பாறைக்குள் வேராய்!

---------

A friend of mine, Sunil asked me if I can write a poem in Tamil that he can write music for.

I came up with the above poem...wanted to write something from the point of view of the someone who was feeling down and out, and wants to bounce back...kind of a pep talk for self....

Super Star Rajinikanth said after chandramukhi...refereing to "Baba" being flop

"நான் யானை இல்ல,

நான் குதிரை, விழுந்தா கூட சும்மா துள்ளி குதிச்சு எந்திருப்பேன்"

That should be the spirit... Read somewhere, its not a big mistake to fall, the big mistake would be to stay fallen!!

The poem is my attempt to encourage the reader to "bounce back"

Why the rain should go away ?

2010-06-03T15:50:00.001+01:00

Rain Rain Go Away

Come again Some other

Little Jhonny Wants to play

Rain Rain Go Away

Rain Rain Go to Spain

Never Show your face again!

I recently read the above nursery rhyme in one of my friends FB status.

The above nursery rhyme outraged me! It sounds wrong at so many levels!!!

Why do we want to poison the young mind with such vicious thoughts ?

"Never Show your face again!" – Why ? What did the rain do to deserve such contempt ? The poor thing is just doing its job!

"Rain Rain Go to Spain" – Why ? As though "Rain troubles me, I don't want it" "Let it go to Spain and let it trouble them, they deserve it!" – Why ? What did Spain do to get your trouble passed on to them ?

Imagine, if Rain does hear you, and decide, what the hell, I shall come another day. When It comes back, I am sure you are going to make the kid sing the same song, and guess what the Rain will go back. If it happens every time the Rain comes anywhere near us, it will finally give up and say, "You know what? I am never gonna come back" – we all die of dehydration and hunger!! Well done guys! You just wiped out life from the face of the earth!!

PLEASE think before you teach such mindless songs to the kids.

As my one of my cousins once Said – "Raise above your pitiful self, and think about the greater good of us".

என் கிறுக்கல்கள் - 1

2010-04-22T17:33:00.001+01:00

நிமிர்ந்து நில்

சீறும் புயலில்
சிரம் சாய்க்கும்
நாணல் அல்ல நான்.
நான் விருக்க்ஷம் !
ஆயிரம் முறையேனும்
வேரறுக நான் தயார்!!

தமிழ் மேலே ப்ளாக் பண்றான்!

2010-04-16T10:21:00.001+01:00

என்னம்மா கண்ணு சௌக்யமா ?

தமிழ்ல, வலை பதிவுகள எவ்வளவு சுலபமாக பதிப்பிக்க முடியும் தெரியுமா?

"Google Transliteration" பயன் படுத்தி, நீங்கள் தமிழ் வார்த்தைகளை ஆங்கில தட்டச்சு பலகை மூலம் டைப் செய்து, மின்னஞ்சல் மூலமாக, மிக எளிதாக பதிப்பிக்கலாம்!

வெல்க தமிழ்!

Internet Access - A fundamental Human Right

2010-03-08T14:34:00.001Z

I am a bit miffed by the news article I read.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/8548190.stm

The crux of the matter is a bunch of statistics that demonstrate that majority of the people polled consider Internet access to be a fundamental human right.

How narrow minded can people be? I am not able to describe this except arrogance.

When more than half of the world's population is struggling for a square meal a day, we the obnoxious people, have the guts to say that Internet access is fundamental right.

Yesterday there was a a dead 2 day old baby, wrapped in polythene bag, with some money thrown in was found in the UK. We talk about Internet being fundamental human right.

This is akin to the story when one of the aristocrat/royalty suggesting the poor should eat cake if they don't get bread to eat. History tells us when the divide between haves and have not increases. Its our responsibility to learn from history and not be stupid enough to let history repeat itself.

Internet Access, fundamental human rights, My rear side!

Mannippaya ? Translation & Commentary

2010-03-05T17:21:00.006Z

I just had to translate this song from Vinnai Thaandi Varuvaya. I think Kavingyar Thamarai has produced an incredible piece of poetry that defines the characters Goutham Menon has created. In my humble opinion, she has joined the league of Kavingyar Vaali, and Variamuthu, in poetic brilliance and metaphorically conveying the feelings and emotions of the characters.

I felt that I cannot do justice to the poem, without a commentary. So I have put the interpreted-translation within [square brackets], the lyrics are in italics, my commentary in normal text.

I have not seen this movie at the time of writing this commentary & translation.

AR Rehman, what can I say ? except Thank you god !

Girl:

kadalinil meenaga IrunthavL naan

unakkena karai thaandi VanthavaL Thaan.

Thudithirunthen Tharaiyinile

Thirumbivitten Kadalidame.

[I am a fish in the waters,

Yes, I crossed the shores, for you

Now I (Realize that) am (suffering like) a fish out of water!

(Alas) I had to go back to the waters]

The above stanza tells the complete story; the story of the girl & the boy, from the point of view of the girl.

It exposes the dilemma of the girl. It also talks about the character of the girl. She liked something, She even goes to get it, Now that she actually has got it, she realizes that the cost of having it is too high and she can’t afford it, and with a heavy heart she decides to go back, leaving something that she wanted (wants) ; a practical, mature lady, who gives priority to logic than to emotions. I think you can almost say it the other way, i.e. – she is logical and practical but gets influenced by emotions too, that’s the reason she came out of the sea/waters. It’s lose-lose situation for her, and she chooses to minimize the impact by choosing the lesser loss. Another dimension to that is, the fact that she is able to sacrifice something that she wanted to honour some values.

A very gray and complex character – Is she bad? Is she good? – I think she is just human.

I can almost bet, her sun sign is Scorpio J

OrunaaL Sirithen

MarunaaL Veruthen

Unai Naan Kollamal Kondru puthaithen,

Mannippaya ?

[ One day I smiled

The next day, I hated (myself)

I killed you...softly,

Will you be able to forgive me?]

The second line is the best one since, it does not say explicitly whether she hated the fact that she smiled in first place? Or She hated him ? Or she hates herself for smiling ?

– a question that is left to the reader/listener to figure out – I feel that the character of the girl is such that she hates herself for smiling (accepting the fact that she is smitten by him)

Boy:

kanne thadumaari nadanthen
noolil aadum mazhayaagi ponen
unnal thaan kalaignaai aaneney
tholai thoorathil veLicham nee
unai nokkiye enai eerkiraaye

[I’ve lost my sense of balance,

I‘ve become a marionette (like) rain (that rains tears at every yank of the string),

You made an artist out of me,

You are my distant light,

You draw me closer to you]

The boy feels he is completely lost his sense of balance, direction without his love.

The second line literally translates to “I have become rain that swings by a string” – I am unable to convincingly interpret this line. Does Thamarai mean that he is hanging on by the last string, and his collapse/breakdown is imminent, should the string break?

An interpretation is that, he feels like a marionette, being manipulated, with no control over his own self, helpless, and rains tears at every yank of the string ? – I am tempted to go with this.

melum melum urugi urugi
unai yeNi yengum
idhayathai enna seiven ?

[My heart melts, Yearning for you

What can I do (to my heart)? I am clueless!]

Girl:

odum neeril ore alai thaan naan
uLLey uLLa eeram nee thaan
varam kidaithum naan thavara vitten
mannippaaya anbey

[I am a wave that makes up the water flow,

(But) you are the moisture that makes up the water,

I ruined my chance of using the boon, (that I got)

Will you pardon me, dear?]

Boy:

kaatrile aadum kagitham naan
neethaan ennai kaditham aakkinaai
anbil thodangi anbil mudikkiren
en kalangarai vilakkamey

[(I was like) A piece of (worthless) paper, caught up in a breeze,

You transformed me into a letter (purpose and direction)

Started with love, Want to end up with (my) love,

Oh, my beacon (of hope)]

Again, the boy says it in no unclear terms that, she gives meaning and purpose to him and his life.

He says he was a piece of paper, floating about in a breeze of air, without any direction.

He says that the girl has given him a meaning and sense of direction by comparing himself with a letter.

He started out his journey with love in his heart, and he wants to end his journey with his love, and he sees her as a beacon of hope.

Girl:

oru naal sirithen
maru naal veruthen
unnai naan kollamal kondru puthaithene
mannippaaya? mannippaaya?
mannippaaya? mannippaaya? mannippaaya?

[ One day I smiled

The next day, I hated (myself)

I killed you...softly,

Will you be able to forgive me?]

Thirukkural :

Thamari has managed to pull off a good surprise by using couple of ThirukkuraLs to give some context that underpins the mood and the story.

anbirkum undo aazhaikkum thaazh
aarvalar pun kann neer poosal tharum

[There is no lock that can hold back true love,

(Even if you find such a lock) the tears rolling down the cheeks, exposes the real feelings.]

anbilaar ellam thamakkuriyar anbudayaar
enbum uriyar pirarkku

[Loveless people are Selfish,

(On the contrary) Those who love are selfless to the core]

pulambal enasendren pullinen nenjam
kalathal uruvadhu kandu

I am working on these two lines J any help is welcome. I am not even sure if these lines are correctly captured.

charanam 2

Girl:

yen en vaazhvil vandhaai kanna nee ?
povaayo kaanal neer pole thondri ?
anaivarum urangidum iravenum neram
enakkadhu thalayanai nanaithidum neram

[Why, oh dear, why did you happen in my life?

How I wish, if you were a Mirage?

My nights are spent in silent tears.]

Again the second stanza is simply superb. Usually, we use Mirage to imply something that appears to be true, but here Thamari uses it other way around and wishes that something that is true, to go away like a Mirage. This stanza is poetically describes the state of denial the girl is in.

Girl:

oru naal sirithen
maru naal veruthen
unnai naan kollamal kondru puthaithene
mannippaaya?

[ One day I smiled

The next day, I hated (myself)

I killed you...softly,

Will you be able to forgive me?]

Boy:
kanne thadumaari nadanthen
noolil aadum mazhayaagi ponen
unnal thaan kalaignaai aaneney
tholai thoorathil velicham nee
unai nokkiye enai eerkiraaye

[I’ve lost my sense of balance,

I‘ve become a marionette (like) rain (that rains tears at every yank of the thread),

You made an artist out of me,

You are my distant light,

You draw me closer to you]

melum melum urugi urugi
unai enni yengum
idhayathai enna seiven

melum melum urugi urugi

unai enni yengum
idhayathai enna seiven
ohoho unai enni yengum
idhayathai enna seiven

[My heart melts, Yearning for you

What can I do (to my heart)? I am clueless!]

Name the Photo

2009-11-23T14:07:00.001Z

Please feel free to suggest a title for the photo I clicked today. Use the comments section to leave your suggested title.

Dont limit it to just title, if you can describe what comes to your mind when you see the picture, what ever comes to your mind, what do you think the picture conveys to you, just write it down as comments. Basically I am asking you to interpret the picture.

Titles So far I have collected from my family & friends are:

An Empty Head
Ellam Mayam
A Headache
No HeadAche.
No Head, Ache.
Ghost Rider
Visor but not Wiser
Hel Met Gloves
Knock Knock Whos not there.
Horror
Oh my god!
Invisibility Pill worked!

Ohh no I forgot to wear my head

Comments:

Titleless Photo - I think this photo is a masterpiece beyond words...something that should be looked at and contemplated...the mere fact that so many names have been suggested is an indication of the subliminal message in this work of art....I think this deserves it's own 'obviously unnamed' corner in the Louvre.....

Genius...sheer brilliance...seminal.

Nobel peace prize for Obama

2009-10-09T14:40:00.002+01:00

Some people are born great. Some work towards greatness, and then there are others, who have greatness thrust up on them!! I guess this case might look somewhat like that, if i see from a very shallow view point.

On second thoughts, I think, it is a good idea that Obama has been awarded the Nobel for Peace. Its like Nobel committee has volunteered Obama to be the "Bringer of Peace" to the world.

Its more like "Pay it Forward".

Just because now that he is a Nobel peace laureate, he cannot authorize and declare new wars, and also figure out calling off the wars that are going on currently, and thereby propagating peace, and also cannot propagate nuclear weapons. He would be all the more committed towards nuclear weapons free world.

I am simply amazed at the farsightedness and the big challenge that the Nobel committee has thrown at Obama.

May be It is a strategic move, perhaps influenced by the likes of Iran, Iraq, Afganisthan, Pakisthan and North Korea. (Basically all the people who see the US as the finely tuned war machine). You never know, how the political undercurrent and diplomatic forces work.

Gun Salute

2009-06-03T14:55:00.001+01:00

President Obhama welcomed with a 21 gun salute, during his visit to Soudi. The question is, Why do leaders of state get a gun salute. What is the significance of the same ?

When I “googled up” I realized that in the olden days, When military leaders held meetings, they used to empty their guys (those days, its was like you load once, then fire, then load and so on) in a gesture to say that they don’t mean harm.

Even before the guns, they used to point their spears and swords downwards to show that they don’t mean any harm.

Now that’s the logic behind the gun salute. The number 21 seems to be purely arbitrary with significance from biblical and astrological reasons.

It used to be 7 gun salute, since 7 has biblical significance. 21 is a multiple of 7.

So, now a days, any leader who commands the military when visits a nation, then the host military gives a 21 gun salute as a mark of respect. That is considered as the highest honor!!

Interesting eh!

Abu Qatada given £2,500

2009-02-19T14:28:00.001Z

UK courts have ruled that Abu Qatada is a Threat to UK's security.
UK Courts have awarded Aby Qatada with £2500 as compensation.

Has UK directly funded terrorist activity ?

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article5765126.ece

Only Time can tell...

xpenser - I am hooked

2009-02-03T17:21:00.002Z

I have always wished that I had a better control over money. Which meant that

I set out a budget
Set myself savings target
Have a big picture view of my expenses.

However, the pain points were

to track my expenses at a low level so that I can analyze where the money is spent
track the cash expenses that I do

Mainly, I was too lazy to feed the data into my xl on a day today basis. So I had given up on tracking on low level, and track at an abstract manner, Like

Card expenses - £700

Cash expenses - £150

Now, thanks to my Brother in law’s “Tweet”, I am hooked to xpenser.com. The USP is that they offer multiple interfaces to update your expense on the go, like Mail, SMS, Twitter, iPhone, Phone calls etc.

It has other cool features like tagging, and categorizing!

The advantages are multi-fold :

I have 300 sms per month, I hardly use 10, so I get more value from my mobile service.
I don’t have to sit every day to file my expenses.
It massages my ego by not making me look like a miser.
Makes me more aware of where the bloomin’ money goes.
Makes me look cool, puts me in the early adopters group. (Not so early in this instance)

I strongly encourage you to try it!

www.xpenser.com

Trust me! It’s worth your time!!

Snow in slough

2009-02-02T11:18:00.001Z

It snowed big time here !
Worst I have seen so far!

All trains, buses, are cancelled, ppl are advised to stay off roads. I had to drive to work though! I took a snap of snow on top of the car.

The ironic part is, in the US, its common to have 4 to 5 feet snow, and still things are functional, where as, here, just for about 6 inches of snow, entire London has come to a grinding halt !!!

We just got advised that we need to go back, since more snow is on the way!

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

2009-01-28T12:46:00.001Z

Read it in one of the Sites: Just 2 Good !!

******** NOT MY ORIGINAL WORK *******
Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, also known as 'the light bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination ofthe area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (light bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1. The party of the first part (lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (light bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (light bulb) in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (light bulb), notwithstanding the aformentioned failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (lawyer) throughout.

2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (light bulb) becomes seperated from the party of the third part ('receptacle'), the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (light bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3. Once seperation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (lawyer) shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part ('new light bulb'). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part (new light bulb) becomes snug in the party of the third part (receptacle) and in fact becomes the party of the second part (light bulb).

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (lawyer), by said party of the first part (lawyer), or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do som the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as 'The Firm'.

******** NOT MY ORIGINAL WORK *******

Why God Cannot Touch Devil!

2008-12-17T14:01:00.003Z

Devil is vital to perceive God...Just like Sun emits Light, that makes us see things, Devil does evil, that helps us understand the difference between good and bad, and hence try to seek good (God).

Take Devil out of the equation, we would not know the difference, since there is nothing to compare with.

So, I believe, that without the Devil, God cannot exist, and It would be counter productive for God to destroy Devil. If he chose do that, then God becomes irrelevant in the people’s mind. So, Even though God is Omni potent, Out of political reasons, God cannot Destroy Devil. So Devil is Here to Stay!!

Why do men die first?

2008-12-11T19:23:00.002Z

Got a Mail from some one. I liked it so, Posting it....Feb 20, 2008 at 9:28 AM

****** NOT MY ORIGINAL WORK ***** Author Unknown *****************

Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation, first:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy. If you work hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks ... its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ... its male indifference. If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you don't ... you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If SHE asks you ... it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert. If you don't ... you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist. If you don't ... you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob. If you buy her flowers ... you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you don't ... you're not ambitious. If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often ... you're oversexed. If you don't ... there must be someone else.

Why do men die first? Because they want to.

****** NOT MY ORIGINAL WORK ***** Author Unknown *****************

The Philosophy of Golf

2008-12-11T19:19:00.002Z

10 April 2008

You can learn to play Golf, No doubt. Have you ever thought what lessons you could learn from playing Golf ?

Golf is probably the most philosophical sport ever to be played by human beings in a long time. Consider this:

Golf is all about

Assess the conditions
Know the terrain you are on
Choose the best club that you could use for the conditions and play your shot with precision and control optimizing the swing, power required etc.

Once you played your shot

Assess the consequences of your shots
Assess the terrain you landed on
Choose the best club that you could choose for the conditions, and play your shot with precision and control optimizing the swing, and power required etc.

You keep doing this, and the end, you end up in a hole under the ground!

A Quote I Liked

2008-12-11T17:52:00.001Z

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. - Helen Keller

Positve re-enforcement

2008-12-11T17:50:00.002Z

Something I wrote a few months ago. Was too lazy to post. Now I discovered the way to publish via email. Here we go....

-----------------------------------

More often than not, we jump on an opportunity to make sure that our opinions are heard, particularly when we find that the action of the other person is not acceptable to us.

For example, a spouse doing something that is not up to our expectation, A child's behaviour that we do not approve of, A mothers comment/sentiment that we find silly, A sisters behaviour, and so on.

How many times have we rewarded positive behaviour/action ? A tasty meal prepared by the wife, A smart but yet naughty thing done by the child, A thoughtful action by a friend/wife/colleague/child/mother/sister who ever it may be!

I realized the importance of it the day I first scolded my 14 months old toddler for fooling around with the TV plug point. There was a naked hurt and pain in his face, the look of his face I will never forget! I used a pretty harsh tone (intentionally, out of my fear that he might one day touch a live wire and hurt himself bad).

He has been so naughty, that I realized that most of the time we end up telling him don’t do this, don’t do that. Started wondering, will there ever be a time when we will tell him, "Yes, that was a wonderful thing that you did, you should do more of it!"

Opportunity came in few days, He did something very nice, he climbed on to the sofa pretty much all by himself! So much effort went behind it. I was happy, and I told him he was such a good boy, and hugged him and kissed him. I could see he was as happy as he could be and quiet proud.

That was the moment, I realized the importance of positive re-enforcement of behaviour. A lot more could be achieved, if we make sure that we reward positive behaviour and at the same time make sure that the negative behaviour is not welcome!

There is a Tamil song, "Adikkira Kai Than Anaikkum" meaning "Only the hand that hits, will hug"

I want to add spin to that and say, "Adikka therintha kaiku, Anakkavum theriyanum", meaning, "The hand that knows to hit, should also know to hug".

My All time favorite Mail that goes around the Net!

2008-12-11T17:46:00.001Z

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

Translation...New York Nagaram...

2006-09-27T10:40:00.001+01:00

One of the best songs of A.R. Rehman written by Kavingar Vaali.

New York nagaram urangum neram thanimai adarndhadhe
paniyum padarndhadhe kappal irangiye
kaatrum karayil nadandhadhe
naangu kannaadi suvargalukkulle naanum mezhuguvarthiyum
thanimai thanimayo thanimai thanimaiyo
kodumai kodumaiyo

(New York)

oooooooo

Pechellaam thaalaattu pola ennai uranga vaikka nee illai
Dinamum oru mutham thandhu kaalai coffee kodukka nee illai
Vizhiyil vizhum thoosithannai naavaal edukka nee ingu illai
manadhil yezhum kuzhappamthannai theerkka nee inge illai
naan inge neeyum ange indha thanimayil nimishangal varushamaanadheno
vaan inge neelam ange indha uvamaikku iruvarum vilakkamaanadheno

oooooo

(New York)

Naatkurippil nooru dhadavai undhan peyarai yezhudhum yen paena
yezhudhiyadhum erumbu moikka peyarum aanadhenna thaena
Jil yendru boomi irundhum indha tharunathil kulir kaalam kodai aanadhaeno
vaa anbe neeyum vandhaal sendhanalkooda pani katti pola aagume

(New York)

Its my attempt to translate the song without spoiling the spirit of the song. If there is any disconnect between the tune and the translation or interpretation anomalies please forgive me.

Situation.

The hero of the story is in New York, away from his beloved. (they have not stayed away from each other in their 5 ~ 6 years of marriage)

The song goes like this….

As the New York city sleeps,
Loneliness creeps (like) the fog (that) spreads,
(like) the (cold) wind (that) strolls.
Trapped in the four glass walls,
Me and the candle...

Oh (this) loneliness, Oh (this) loneliness
(It’s a) tyranny, (It’s a) tyranny.

I miss the way you rock me to sleep with your sweet nothings,
I miss the way you wake me up with a kiss and a cup of coffee,
I miss the way you wipe my tears with your lips,
I miss the way you clear my insecurities,

(This) Loneliness masks the minutes to (look like) Years.
Alas, we have become the explanation for the metaphor of separation!

As the New York city sleeps,
Loneliness creeps (like) the fog (that) spreads.

My pen writes your name, my honey,
Only to be swarmed by bees for the honey.
Despite the chillness of the winter air,
I feel the heat of summer.
Come to me, my love
With you around, burning coal feels like a cube of ice.

As the New York city sleeps,
Loneliness creeps (like) the fog (that) spreads.
(like) the (cold) wind (that) strolls
Trapped in the four glass walls,
Me and the candle…

Oh (this) loneliness, Oh (this) loneliness
Oh (this) loneliness, Oh (this) loneliness
(It’s a) tyranny, (It’s a) tyranny.

-G

Technology

2006-08-15T18:02:00.000+01:00

Technology is a term that never stops to amaze me.
I Am sitting at singasandra – a place that does not have proper infrastructure in my new apartment, that is not yet complete, and still I have the internet at my disposal.

I use my laptop to compose this post, connect to the internet using my mobile phone and actually post it !!!

I cant wait to see the future.

We are not sorry. The seat is "Reserved"

2006-05-18T09:57:00.002+01:00

I read a OBC leader's opinion. He says that, in the general category there are 50% percent of seats and there are only 15% of Upper Cast people.

If the upper cast has to make an impact in our own country we need numbers by our side. It's a long term process and if we start now in about 18 years we can double upper cast numbers (that can vote) and from there, probably we can bring the population distribution to a 50-50 proportion.

Survival of the fittest, how perfectly it fits to our current situation?

When mandal one happened, I took it as a step towards improvement. I thought we are empowering the oppressed. That I am from TN and I already was forced to give up my Engineering aspirations to a person of lower cast who had marks just like mine or even lesser is a different question.

I always accept when some one who is more capable than me defeats me. But when unfair practices beat me, I am pained.

Now when mandal 2 is happening, I am near tears, since I feel that this severely restricts my children for absolutely no fault of theirs and because its utterly unfair.

I am feeling so very helpless and frustrated. I feel like doing something, but don't know what!! More than what, it's the price that I might have to pay for what ever it is, is what weighing in my mind.

It's just like ragging in the colleges. Juniors got ragged just because when the seniors were juniors they were ragged. It's a vicious circle. My forefathers some centuries back did some not so nice things. I am paying for it. My children will pay for it. May be my grandchildren will still pay for it. I am not sure if it will ever stop. And if by chance the tables get reversed and IF upper cast become majority, I hope the cycle does not start again.

I believed in my constitution, that says, all are equal.
Looks like my constitution is not as fair as it claims to be.

I believed every word of the pledge that we used to take every day in our school.
I treated all my fellow Indians as brothers and sisters. In my 25 yeas of existence, i have not discriminated against any one. My country paid me back by making it more difficult for my children and grandchildren to get into an education institution of respect.

I was proud of calling myself as Indian.

Why should I care?

2006-05-18T09:51:00.001+01:00

I go to my office, I get a monthly salary, I have invested in a nice flat, I am investing in retirement funds, and I drive around in a vehicle that I could get at mortgage.

The roads are pathetic. Why should I care?

I am not patient at the traffic lights, Coz I need to go where ever I go. The person on the other side of the traffic light also got to go where ever he has to go, so what? Red is just another color!!! Why should I care?

Government is displacing hundreds of villages, without proper infrastructure and transparent relocation plans. SO WHAT? It’s not next to my flat! Why should I care?

In my country, secularism has become synonymous with insensitivity to one religion or other depending on who is ruling there. Why should I care?

As I write this today, hundred of students up north are facing the wrath of their own governments, because they feel that social assertion agenda of the government is not fair. So what? Why do I care?

A state, which is integral part of my country, is refusing water to other state (Except at the time of floods), which is also an integral part of my country, claiming ownership of the river. The farmers don’t want to share the natural resources with their counterparts elsewhere. Why should I care? It’s there problem. Let them solve it.

Fuel prices are skyrocketing. There are other factors involved. But, do I know, what are the taxes that I pay, the surcharges I pay to get that fuel? I don’t think I should know, All I know is I can afford or not. If I cannot afford, I will find alternatives, like vehicles that give more mileage, public transport system, etc. Oh, I forgot to mention, the buses, don’t stop at their designated stops. Chalta hai! I will run and cling on to the footboard with a toe and a fingernail.

I have become disconnected with everything around me. I have gone into a cocoon and I refuse to see what is going on around me. I have a thick skin.

My forefathers, not so long ago, spilled their blood, sweat and guts to give me this freedom. Now I am free. I can do what I please. It’s my freedom. I choose to have thick skin; I refuse to wake up from the slumber. I am very happy that majority of my fellow Indians are like me.

Arre baba! They will take care of everything. They will set it right. They will change things around. Things will get sorted out.

Me? I will go back home, enjoy my cup of tea and relax.

Pramod Mahajan - Killed

2006-05-18T09:45:00.000+01:00

When I write this, a great personality will be burning to ashes.

Yes, one of the few political leaders who the younger generation could lookup to has lost his life to the jealousy of his younger sibling.In the span of few weeks (before this was written), I happened to witness two prominent figures take leave from this world.

The emotion both evoked in me was so different.

When the news of Mr. Mahajan’s demise came out, I had felt a pang in my stomach. There was a lump in my throat. I don’t know this person. I have not heard him render his famous speech; I have not seen his much praised organizational skills and problem solving skills. Still I am feeling a great loss.

All I know of him is through newspapers and TV clippings. Having seen many a70 some thing politicians, ruling the roost, I thought, here is a young man, who seems to have something to offer in terms of a different perspective, and approach the issues with a modern outlook. Somewhere deep inside me I had visualized him as India’s prime minister. I liked that idea a lot. I have to say with a sigh, we have lost a greatleader.

When the news of Mr. Rajkumar’s demise came out, I was not that surprised or sad. May be it was because, He was much older, and the cause of death wasnatural and the element of suspense was not there. It was like, “Here is thenews, Deal with it” Where as in the case of Mr. Mahajan, It was like, “May be” “May be not” for12 long days, with a nation rooting for his recovery and well-being.

Probably that was the reason for the huge sense of disappointment felt by many. Couple of days before the end of Mr. Mahajan, My aunt said, that according to the astrologers, if Mr. Mahajan survives on April 29, then he would be the “King”. He did live beyondthat date. Along with that, lived my hopes of his revival.

The only thing that is not corrupted (yet) in this world is Death. It is also the most secular, equal opportunity provider and establishes the equality with finality. It goes about doing its duty irrespective of color, cast, creed, religion, sex, sexual orientation, you name any discrimination ever conceived. I cannot seem to respect death enough.

I mean, how many times some one has bribed and avoided death? So many people have spent few minutes each to wish that Mr. Mahajan were not dead! They would have pleaded, begged, and prayed. On the contrary, when He was shot, there would have been enough people whowished that he never saw the day light again, and he breathed his last onthat day itself, and cursed the health care professionals who took care ofhim. They would also have pleaded, begged, and prayed that he died with outany further delay.

But No!!! Our beloved Death did not think so! It has set a date, and it was going to make it, no matter what others would want! This incident is yet another reason, to live life to its fullest.

You neverknow when your turn comes. You also don’t know when the person you care for,will get his/her call.

Kannada demigod Dr. Rajkumar Passed away.

2006-05-18T09:29:00.000+01:00

The reaction was spontaneous and followed a pattern.
Some state transport buses stopped on their tracks others, burnt. Sporadic violence in someareas. Some tyres burned.The common man ran for cover and did not dare to venture out.What followed the next day was only logical. Entire Bangalore (I could sayentire Karnataka) was brought to a stand still.

A bandh was called. I commuted to my workplace in about 25 minutes (It normally takes about 45minutes).

Under all this, what struck me the most was, the love and respect they havefor their “Hero”. I could see, men, women, and children were pouring in fromall directions. Their destination ? The stadium where the mortal remains of their Demigod was kept.

All of them, either did not have jobs or did not care for their jobs. Theyare in a state of shock and grieving as though one of their own familymember had passed away. All along the way, I could see, photos and posters of Late. Dr. Rajkumar, heavily garlanded, with "dhoopam" and "dheepam". There were bunch of young guys riding on their bikes with his photograph perched in the front.

In my life I had seen couple of more instances like these. Dr. M.GRamachandran, Dr. N.T. Rama Rao all cinema personalities, endowed with Honorary Doctorate, Who ruled thetinsel town for over couple of decades. The only difference between Dr.Rajkumar’s counter parts from Andhra and Tamil Nadu, the other two had beenRuling their States too.

What makes them worthy of the love, respect and reverence that is usuallyreserved for gods?At the end of the day, they are just human beings, who made acting theirchoice of profession and earned their livings. They are no better than you and me in that aspect, we chose a line of profession and earn our livings.

Yes, in that process, they shone like the way only they can.They knew the pulse of their audience and played their fantasy. They masses could identify with them when they played the policeman who would not budgefrom his principles and provides justice to the oppressed. Or the angryyoung man who questions the atrocities committed by more fortunate against the not so fortunate, or the mythological character that would do nothingbut the good. When they play the role, they are so convincing that, one who would watch them, feels that they are the oppressed and in some strange way,the man on the screen has vindicated what they feel and had acted the way one would want to react to the specific stimuli. Combined with some grittydialogs, and songs that talk about virtues, the right things to do, etc etc, that were tailor made for them.The audience will cry, rejoice, laugh, be angry on the villain, just the waytheir demigod feels on the screen.

All these unanimously point out to one thing, we who live in the southernpart of this great nation (Keralites are exempted to some extent…since Ihave not seen anything similar happening there), are a bunch of emotionally challenged lot of people. We have too much of time, resources to spend on movies and we are the best escapist as it gets. Yes, we always look for some messiah to jump from the sky to save us from every thing. We will not move a finger to save our self is an entirely different question. Our brains aretuned to worship our heroes. There are people in our country who spend almost their entire days wage overa three-hour movie. How can you explain that other than escapism? They somehow get the feeling of safety and comfort when they watch their demi god sing those thought provoking songs, and handout justice to one and all. Theywalk out of the cinema, hoping to god that, one day his hero will save himfrom his misery.

Do any of them say to them, that they are to fend forthemselves ? and they have to provide for themselves ? There are people whospend their hard earned money to buy garland and other offerings for their demigod’s photographs and cutouts!!!! All said and done all the three personalities, have been the best in their fields. They ruledthe minds of couple of generations and have been influential in shaping themindset of people.

May their souls rest in peace.

A Completely different thought process !!!

2005-12-26T07:31:00.001Z

I got a forwarded mail sometime back….It goes something like this

A different thought process !

Group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups."

"Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change." Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."

So folks, don't let the cups drive you...enjoy the coffee instead

This got me thinking and my take on this piece of “vegetable soup for stomach” was

A Completely different thought process !!!

The cup holds the coffee.

The coffee that can be enjoyed is directly proportional to the cup that holds the coffee.
As all will agree, the coffee tastes its best when consumed hot. And then we have cold coffee’s too.

Some cups hold the temperature well, some don’t.
Some cups can hold hot coffee, some can't.

If the cup is of lead, then it poisons the coffee.

Again the quality of coffee will also make you choose a different cup.

Filter coffee tastes best with “Davara” And “Tumbler”. It gives the flexiblity (to some extent) control the temperature of your coffee at the point of consumption.

If you are going in for Espresso (The thick ones, referred to as shots, not the diluted american version), you can’t have a large imposing cup. You have to select a small cup other wise, you will have a problem drinking the coffee, the coffee will not stay hot for long, and you will not get a sense of fulfillment.

If you want to have a wonderful cup of cold coffee, with whipped cream, and couple of scoops of ice-cream, and a few nuts, you cannot have it in the broad based cups that you usually get, or the davara/tumbler or the small cup. You would be better off going for the taller ones, that are narrow at the bottom and wide at the top, plus you need a spoon (adding a new dimension) to dish-out and devour the ice-cream and nuts.

If you don’t have a cozy fireplace to sit by and enjoy your hot coffee, If you are on the move, you cant afford to miss your coffee, Go for the disposable cups that come with a cap, and fit a straw in, you are ready to enjoy your coffee on the move !!!.

The fundamental fact remains the same, i.e., Its the coffee that we enjoy, Not the cup. The other side of the coin is that, the cup facilitates us to enjoy the coffee.

The key, in my opinion is to understand the following fundas

1. There are different coffee’s available
2. We can choose our coffee and there by the cups.
3. Our coffee should decide our cups.
4. Best coffee needs best of cups to completely enjoy the coffee.
5. Once you have the coffee of your choice in the cup of your choice, forget the cup, enjoy the coffee.
6. If you don’t like the coffee of your choice in the cup of your choice, don’t hesitate to change the cup
7. If you don’t like the coffee in any of the cups, then the issue is not with the cup, its with the coffee. Change the coffee.
8. It might not be just enough to have a cup to enjoy your coffee, your coffee might just need a spoon too, to be enjoyed. Provide for the spoon too.

Thank God!! I did not sneeze!!!

2005-12-23T13:28:00.000Z

After a pleasant stay with us, my mother in law was preparing to leave Singapore. Rema was also accompanying her. Rema had her exams lurking in the corner, and she was all wound up and tensed, all of last month.

The Indian Airlines flight was scheduled to leave the shores of Singapore at 0750 hrs. I had told them that we need to check in atleast 2 hrs and 30 minutes before the departure time.

As usual we had problem of plenty with the luggage.

Air lines and luggage. This combination is really complicated even for the well educated (By the way this is based on the sample space that has only me).

You have a 20 Kg limit in Indian Airlines. The luggage is classified as two components, Cabin luggage and Check in luggage. One theory says, that the 20 Kg limit is inclusive of the cabin luggage. Another theory says that it is not inclusive of cabin luggage. Now to add more complexity, in one of the earlier interaction with Indian Airlines, we discovered that the cabin luggage cannot be more than 6 Kg. To add another dimension to it, we were told, passengers who happen to be woman (I guess this is the most politically correct way to address female gender of homo sapiens) can have two cabin luggage. Last time when I traveled to India from Singapore, I did not weigh the cabin luggage ( Also known as Hand Luggage, “Confuse panranga pa” ).

So in totality they had about 2 suitcases which were about 23 kg each, there were 4 pieces of cabin luggage weighing in the range of 4 ~ 8 Kg, A back pack and two handbags (One for each).

We started from Jurong East. When we were in the elevator, I had this all too familiar feeling in my nose. A high pressure area was building in my nose, and it was gaining momentum and moving towards the exterior of my nasal prominences. (Alright, alright, I felt like sneezing.). It is a bad omen, (“Aba sagunam”), to sneeze when some one is going out, starting a journey etc. Me being me, I did not want my Mother In Law and Rema to think that I, somehow did not wish them a pleasant journey. I did a lot of gimmicks to apply a sudden break and somehow managed not to sneeze. I was very proud of my accomplishment. We got a taxi, hopped in. While we were half way to the airport, Rema dropped the first bomb shell. “You have the ATM card rite ?”. That’s when I realized that Rema had given me the ATM card, and I had kept it on the dining table. I gave a sheepish smile and told her that I have not.

After few minutes I realized the next blunder. I had only $25 on me. The taxi ride will easily cost $30 since the midnight fare will be applicable till 6 AM. It was 5 AM when we boarded the taxi. Rema also did not carry any local currency. She had asked me to withdraw 50 bucks and hand over to her so that when she returns it would be useful for her.

Well, I am a smart man, I am not bothered by the crisis. I asked the cabbie, if he accepts credit card. He mumbled something in a language that resembled English, but I was damn sure that it was anything but English. I switched to singlish. I asked “ Visa Can ?”. His reply was instantaneous, “Can Can lah”, “Bo visa xta charge lah” (To be understood as, Yes, We do accept credit cards, however there will be extra service charge applicable when you pay through your card)

I gave a proud smile to Rema and my Mother-In-Law. See, no problem!!.

I was so correct. "That incident" was not a problem at all when compared to what was waiting for us at the air port.

We reached airport. The ride had cost us $28. We managed to pay him in cash (Rema had some loose change).

Our next destination was check in counter of Indian Airlines.

Since we were bordering on heavy luggage and suspected excess quantity of hand luggage, I made a brilliant Idea, I put the hand luggage and check in luggage in different trolley, left my Mother-In-Law and the hand luggage in a strategic place where we can see them but the check in officer behind the desk can’t.

Me and Rema, went to the counter, with tickets and passports in hand and the two suitcases that need to be checked in.

The strategy bombed.

The first question the lady at the counter asked was, “Are you the passengers?” and she instructed us to bring the passengers to the counter. Now I had to bring my Mother In Law out from the hideout.

Now it was time for Plan B.

I let them go, choosing to sit with the hand luggage (I am smart...Ain't I?).

In next two seconds, Rema came to my hideout. She looked tensed. The lady behind the counter wanted to see the hand luggage too.

I switched to plan C. The complete disclosure of information.

We went with 4 Hand luggage. It was the check in officers turn to look alarmed. She said, “you cannot carry all these as hand luggage lah!!!” “You have to check them in lah” “Only one piece of hand luggage per person allowed lah” So she asked me to weigh the other two supposed to be hand luggage too. Total weight was close to 65 Kg (Pls note, she did not weigh the other two hand luggage, that were actually hand luggage). She mumbled something and said, “I cant allow more lah, if you have more you have to pay excess baggage lah”.

All our calculations and permutations were WRONG!

So a ticket that says luggage limit 20 Kg can actually take close to 30 Kg in check in and close to 8 KG in hand luggage so total close to 40 KG. But the limit is 20 KG. (“Dei, yaaravathu correcta sollungalenda !!”)

Then she said something that made my heart stop for a minute. She pointed my Mother-In-Laws ticket and said, “Her name is not there in the list, She cannot Travel”.

I was thinking to my self, “Damn It! I did not even sneeze!!! then why ?”

I asked her to check again. She rechecked and asked me, “Did you reconfirm your ticket?” I shot back, “This is a confirmed ticket”, She said, “correct, but you have to reconfirm lah”. It correctly confused me. If it is a confirmed ticket, then why should I re-confirm it ? A ticket that was bought by paying cash in full, that too a return ticket, who’s onward journey is already done, why should it be re-confirmed ? Now I was becoming furious. Just to add complexity to the situation, My Mother In Law’s Visa was expiring on the same day.

With the “Singapore cane” and “fine” running behind my mind, I was seriously contemplating the options. The last thing I wanted was her to become a illegal immigrant in this country where stories of hefty fines and caning are abundant.

The lady asked me to wait till 7 Am when the Indian airlines personnel would come up. It was 6 Am. One hour of waiting was something un-acceptable for me.

After some 10 mins of waiting like chitoor bus-stand dog, a lady came. She was wearing IA tag. There was this lady (I guess she was from the USA) who was supposedly traveling from Singapore to Bangalore on the same flight. She was supposed to have a confirmed booking in Business class, but she did not find her name in the list or something. She was trying her best to be nice to the lady from IA and wanted her reservation to be done immediately. I don’t know the complete background so cant comment on that.

I focused on my issue. I was waiting for this conversation between the two ladies get over. Once the passenger had done her bit of talking to the IA officer, I started, I asked her why my Mother In Law’s name was not there in the list, and demanded to know why we were not told that we should reconfirm the tickets. She calmly took the ticket and showed the print. It was in deed written on the ticket that we need to re-confirm the journey else the ticket stands cancelled.

This was one of the few occasions when I felt totally embarrassed.

It was there all the while and I never bothered to see. Ignorance of rule is not a justification for violation of the rule. I did not stand a chance if I took a confrontational approach.

She said that, she can book a ticket for us on the flight next day.

I changed my tone and stand, I explained to the official that, her visa expires today and she cannot stay in the country and since it was a Sunday, there was no way I could go to the immigration office and get her visa extended. All this lady said was “I will do my best sir” and walked off.

I was keeping a watch on that lady, she went to the counter where the passengers to Chennai, were creating a scene. For the 1 hr that I stood there, I realized that, the IA official got out of the wrong side of the bed. She was in deep mess. What ever could go wrong was going wrong for that lady that day. In that one hour, I was busy thinking about alternatives. The alternatives were few.

1. Upgrade to business class
2. Take a flight to any of the cities in India, that leaves singapre before 2359 Hrs Dec 18, 2005.
3. Go to Malasia and come back on the same day, so that we can get few more days of extension
4. Cancel Rema’s Ticket and send Mom in that ticket.
5. Last option, Go to the nearest police station and surrender explaining the situation. (Did not know what else I could do)

When all this was going on, in my mind, I was pulling my mother in law’s legs saying that, she is going to get caned and jailed. I was trying to be funny. She was tensed and visibly worried.

I remembered a dialog from the Tamil Movie, “Kurudhi Punal” where Kamal says to Nazar “Veeramgrathu yenna theriuma? Bhayam Illatha maatiri nadikkrathu !” “Valor is, to act as though you are not scared”.

Trust me, It is soooo true.

Rema was a surprise package. I expected Rema to loose her calm and expected her to get tensed the most. She stood solid. She was convinced that I will come up with some idea and get us out of trouble (Ok….Ok….This is what I want to think ok ? I don’t know what was going on in her mind, but bottom line is she was calm and she did not get worked up as I expected her to)

Then at around at 7 AM another IA official came. This lady had that air of confidence around her. She came, took some printouts, gave some instructions to the check in official, and in less than 2 minutes, she asked us to check in.

We checked in the luggage and thanked the official profusely, and I rushed them to immigration, on the way, I took a cash advance of $100 from the money changer using my credit card and gave it to Rema.

Thus, finally after all the hiccups, they left the shores of Singapore.

On my way back, when I was reflecting on the sequence of events, I was thinking to myself, “Naama thummal adakkinathukke, ithanai galattana, innum naama thumbi iruntha, yenna aairukkumo ?” (Even after me not sneezing, so much has happened, I shudder to think what would have happened if I had in deed sneezed !!!)

I was proud of my self that I did not sneeze !!!!

My first immigration

2005-12-04T14:08:00.000Z

On the eventful day of March 09 2005, I walked into Bangalore airport with a heart beating faster than ever caused by the fact that the luggage was not weighed. I was told that the limit was about 20 kgs and I could barely move my newly bought monster suitcase with 12 wheels that looked like a miniature of heavy duty military truck, to tail that, there was this fully loaded maruthi 800 for my cabin luggage.

I was proud of my decision to switch to the same mobile network as Rema's (My then ex-fiancé and current wife) coz we had unlimited free minutes. I was in constant chat with Rema . Time and again I was reminding myself and Rema that in the eventuality of excess baggage scenario, she might have to pick up the stuff that I leave behind, something I learnt from athimber (Tamil bhraminical term for one's elder sister’s hubby).

The guy weighing the luggage gave an understanding smile when I struggled to put the monster truck on to the weighing machine. It weighed 24 kgs. I should have looked really pathetic or the permissible limit was more I would not know for a fact now, he let me go.

With the major part of the worry firmly put behind me, I called Rema and told her that she could go now.

I did not know that I need to fill up embarkation/de-embarkation card. I saw a old couple sitting with their passport and other papers. I noticed that they had a couple of papers more than me. I was determined that I am not letting anything to come between me and my first trip to a foreign land. I asked the lady what is the extra form that she was carrying? She looked at me like a worthless piece of dust and told that it is a mandatory form that needs to be filled, and gave another look that would have been translated to English as, “You don’t even know this, Moron?”

I rushed back to the luggage counter, filled up the form, and when I was filling the form up, I realized that travel desk at my office, had infact instructed me to look for this form and fill it properly.

Then the wait for immigration started.

The gentleman over the counter, started with my virgin passport, void of any stamping except the ones it came with. He looked at me and asked hundreds of questions. I felt like I was telling “abhivadhaye” (A brahminical self introduction that informs the listener, my leliange starting form the 3 sages who started it all !!) starting from my very first day onto this planet and what I had done till date. He was behaving like as though he had lots of problems letting me go and if I leave the country, the very next minute, the stock market will fall, and economy will take a down turn. He asked for my Id, Proof of Id, Invitation letter, Documents supporting that I am working for the organization that I had mentioned, etc, etc. He asked me if it was my first travel abroad. I thought that was the stupidest question he could ever ask. For god’s sake he has my passport right in front of him, and if he cant make out that I have not traveled outside India before, either the passport does not have enough information or he is plain dumb! This is when I lost my patience and told him since I hold a valid business visa I don’t need an invitation letter from my clients. It does not matter if this is my first time or the n’th time as long as I have a valid visa on my passport. He then put the passport on to some machine, checked all pages under a blue light. I thought he would give back the passport and say “Important Document” is missing (Like senthil in Indian movie). He called his supervisor and said, “First time travel sir”, “trichy passport sir”. Now it was the supervisors turn to interrogate me. Finally those guys reluctantly stamped the pages in passport and the embarkation cards and dismissed me from there.

Once I reached the waiting area, I regretted the fact that I was not wearing my blazer or jacket. It was cold. From there I called amma, appa informed them about the status. Then called Rema and was talking with her till the phone batteries went dead. In between I was trying to reach Kavitha (My friend who was already in Singapore). All the time I was dialing old number of Kavitha and it refused to go thru. Finally I called Raj (A friend of Kavitha and Myself) got another number, and got thru. After it started ringing, I realized that it would be close to 3 am in Singapore. So I hung up. (I got scolded by Kavitha left right and center for that is an entirely different story).

With colorful dreams of meeting beautiful airhostess and getting a cute person of opposite sex sitting next to me so that I can do a la Hum Tum, I was waiting for the boarding sign. I could see couple of beautiful faces around and I immediately stuck a deal with pullayar (Also known as Ganeshji the elephant phase Hindu god) that I shall put one “shatter coconut” (Read as “oru sethar kaai pooduven”) (An offering that is done by hitting a hard shell coconut on a hard surface, with extraordinary force so that it shatters. It symbolizes shattering one’s ego and surrender to the will of god, and in turn god shatters the obstacles that comes by in one’s way and help the person achieve the objective) if he manages to fulfill my wish. Later I realized that he did not want me to spend money on shatter coconut and he would rather prefer shattering my little heart.

Not only did he make sure that none of the beautiful faces sat next to me, he ensured that none of them boarded the flight itself. Looks like they were waiting for some other flight. To add serious insult to injury, the flight did not have air hostess ! It had stewards !!! I preferred to sleep, however these guys were being extra nice, waking me up every hour and making sure that I ate or drank whatever they gave me.

When the sleep took over me finally, I think the watch was still showing 0330 Hours Indian time. All of a sudden I felt that some one was squeezing me in such a way that my eyes started bulging and my ears started realizing that there is indeed a drum inside. I woke up to the unbearable pain of beating the ear drum from inside. It was unusually bright for a 0500 hrs morning. The onboard speakers leaked the metallic voice of the captain. All I could make out was, we were about to land and the local time was 0805 hrs. Yes! I had crossed the first time zone of my life.

The first thing that came to my mind after I landed was the nightmarish experience with the Indian immigration authorities. I was gearing up for a hostile welcome by the immigration authorities on the shores of Singapore. I had made up my mind that they are going to grill me in such a way that either I declare that I want to go back or they are going to make it abundantly clear that I am not welcome.

All these demon processes running on the back of my mind, I climbed into the corridor that hangs in thin air and connects the aircraft and the airport. Trust me nothing/no words could have prepared me for what I saw when I walked into the Changi international airport. In comparison, it made Bangalore airport look like a serious joke. The word huge stands short of describing the hugeness of the part of the airport that I saw. Yet another time I rued the fact that I did not even bother to carry the blazer in my cabin luggage. My mouth seemed to have found a new way of communication, i.e. involuntary Morse code.

I found a way to find my way. Do the obvious, follow the person who is walking in front of you. The person walking in front of me had a shawl in his one hand and passport and other documents in the other. I thought, this guy must be traveling to this place as though he does it every other day. I was proud of my leader ! We were walking at a brisk pace. He spoiled every thing when he stopped in his tracks turned back and asked me the most damaging question I ever faced till then, “Thambi, Veliyila yeppadi poganum ?” (Brother, do you know the way out ?) I told “Follow Me !” and started to lead him. I don’t know what they say about the “Three blind Mice”

On our way out, I found the most interesting place, Duty free shops. For those who had seen the forum mall in Bangalore, the place is very similar to that. You have almost every thing there. Since I had the responsibility of leading my new ward to safe exit from the maze of this airport, I could not spend much time. I found my self buying a Cocksburn Wine for 22 SGD, My first purchase in foreign currency. (For the records, it was for Ganesh’s friend who lives in Singapore. It is supposed to be very economical to buy alcohol from there)

My follower completely lost it. I guess he is seeing for the first time so much alcohol under one roof. I guess he bought two or three bottles. At the end of the corridor I found a sign leading to the immigration. There I saw a few internet kiosks. They were for free.

Now that the fun part was over, I walked to the immigration counters. I went to the counter number 14. Interestingly in India also I was in the counter number 14. There was this lady. She asked me what the purpose of visit is and asked me how long I wanted to stay. I said 30 days. She looked at me and I could make out that she was concerned. That rang lots of bells in me. She started keying in something. While doing so, she was telling me that the computer will by default will give only 10 days stay. So she is doing something to allow me to stay longer. She did all that she could to enable me to stay for 30 days and apart from that she did not ask any questions. I failed to see the reason why Indian immigration authorities were so hostile. She stamped the passport and wished me a pleasant stay.

I hoped that it would be. ...